I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
