He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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