my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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