ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
