Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
