Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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