so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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