Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
