I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
