Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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