is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
