you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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