just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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