I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
