At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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