When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We left the knife in your bed.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
