One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize