I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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