Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize