It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
