my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
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Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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