I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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