Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
