Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
