i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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