I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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