she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize