It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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