I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
