haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
