no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
