I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize