and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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