he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My pussy is not your playground.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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