he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
