um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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