You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
