i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
