Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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