Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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