I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
