new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize