i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
