Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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