Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
