I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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