you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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