I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
