So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
