If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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