The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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