would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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