I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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