Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
