you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
