You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
