I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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