I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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