I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
