i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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