so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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