I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
