You really coming over, don't trick.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
